The backlash

So I did something difficult last week. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, it wasn’t a huge deal but it was tough for me – I posted my blog on Facebook. Not my personal Facebook, I’m not there yet, but on a private group. It was honestly not my intention, I was asking about pornography and mentioned my blog in response to another poster’s curiosity. Either way, I put it out there.

The positive responses were amazing and unexpected. We all suffer from preconceived notions and, I must confess, I am no exception. I figured that the women on the group would be thoroughly unimpressed. I expected insults and disgust and all things bad. Thankfully, I was (mostly) wrong. I really only had one or two people come out against me (at least out loud). The main woman said many things but the main points were that my blog made me a (quote) “sexual deviant”, I was insecure not empowered, classless and desperate for attention.

Don’t believe my bravado, I am not 100% secure and confident. Getting to that point is a long journey that I might never succeed at – and that’s okay. I’m a lot further along than I was 6 months ago. However, I still let things get to me.

I am a person that avoids confrontation. Why? Because I’m mean and over the years I have realized you can’t take things back. So I responded in the calmest way possible, I stuck to the facts and to broad opinions but I was defensive. I felt like the main commenter was attacking me and not the blog (which, given our history, I still believe to be the case). For the record, I don’t think everyone can or should live my lifestyle. Find what makes you happy, don’t live by the rules society tries to force on you unless they ring true in your heart and do whatever you can to feel fulfilled and satisfied. We need to strive to define our own happiness and I promise not to judge yours if you don’t judge mine. Heck, I promise not to judge yours even if you do judge mine.

So, I touched on a few points and then I made cookies. Whoever said you can’t be a slut and a domestic goddess? But, I’m one of those people that stew. I come up with great comebacks after I have walked away. I’m emotional. I could list the flaws all day. So, as I sat eating my cookie it dawned on me.


What the hell is wrong with wanting attention? Instead of defending my choices I am owning this one. She’s right – I love attention. I’m not an exhibitionist to hide in the shadows after all. I don’t shove myself down people’s throats. I market my blog on sex positive sites (you know where you saw me!), I do not pretend it’s anything that it isn’t. How does one pass off a blog with “slut” in the title as anything but a blog about sex.

Facebook is not my target audience which is why I don’t announce anonymous0slut’s existence on it. I was asked. I put up a disclaimer that clearly stated it was a sex positive blog, complete with naked pictures. I warned people and asked that they not judge. I knew that judgment would happen but I figured that if I told people what was on it the could decide if it was for the blog for them and at the very least keep their opinions to themselves. Don’t click the link if you can’t abide by the rules. I would never blame anyone for their beliefs – I can’t read super conservative blogs without raging. To each his own or, as a friend says, different streaks for different freaks.

If you’re here you do not have to agree with everything I say. Just be open to new ideas and try not to judge harshly. I promise to do the same if you express your opinion. Take what you need from me and leave the rest. Open and honest dialogue is going to lead to both sides learning new things as long as they can both agree that there are angles they might not have considered.

All this to say, I am insecure and I am looking for attention. I’m working on the former by doing the latter. So, Pay attention! If you are here for the pictures, let me know you’re enjoying them. It makes me smile that people (both known and unknown) think I’m hot. If you’re here for the posts, let me know. It makes me smile to know that you care about what I have to say. If you’re here for both, good! I’ll stimulate you anyway I can!

I think that a lot of people like to be acknowledged for the way they look. Why else would you go to the gym? Do your hair? Your makeup? There is nothing wrong with that. It is one side of you, not the only side. Don’t let it get to you. We are told to be humble, that being looked passed is fine. If too many people want you or pay attention to you then you must be a slut. WAIT A MINUTE!! I am a slut.


I’m sorry. I should have owned it right from the beginning. I should have never denied it or sugar coated who I am. That’s exactly what this blog is supposed to be about – being myself. I am working on it. For all of you who have sent me positive notes, thank you. For everyone person who slings around “slut” as an insult there are many more who thank me for voicing their feelings, for making them feel normal. This blog is for them, it’s for us, it’s for everyone who ever felt like this vanilla thing wasn’t 100% them. Thank you.


Stripper clothes

A few weeks ago was my triumphant return to dancing – and I’m not talking about ballet! I don’t know when or if I’ll go back (expect a blog post about that one of these days), it amazed me how much things has changed. One thing will always remain though — I love the shoes and outfits!


Watch more porn!

You watch porn. I know you do. I don’t know if you are male or female, black or white, young or old but I know you watch porn. How? Because everyone watches porn occasionally, contrary to what that crazy conservative bunch want you to believe. In 2013, Pornhub alone was getting 1.68 million hits – an hour.

So, good news, you are not alone. I did a quick Google search to find some interesting statistics on pornography and, surprise surprise, six of the top eight hits were against the whole thing (my favorite was a website called “porn is the new drug”). Sigh. We all know that I am sex positive¬† but I didn’t realize that so many people were so vocally anti-porn. Anti-sex for fun? Sure. But anti porn?! What has polishing the family jewels ever done to them? (Seems to me that they could use a little tension release…)

The answer is nothing. Look, I understand that porn addiction is a legitimate problem. However, it effects very few of the total consumers. If you think you have a problem please, reach out, but it is such a small number that I couldn’t even find real (read unbiased) statistics on it. I’d argue that watching porn is actually a good thing for a few reasons. I’ll touch on a few here.

It keeps sex interesting. Is there a better place to get new ideas or cool moves? Couples can use porn as a jumping off point when the want to introduce a new aspect to their sex life. It can be an easy way to bring up fetishes and desires that you’ve been nervous about mentioning. It’s easier to mention a porn scene and keep things hypothetical sometimes. 50 Shades of Grey anyone?

It helps, that’s right helps, monogamy. I’ve said it a thousand times, people are not generally good at monogamy. We are programed to want variety and that’s great. But what about people who want to give the old fashioned thing the college try? Porn gives people the fantasy, you can cum to so many different types of people, crazy scenarios and hot fantasies. It might just help keep your “real life” relationship monogamous if you are buffing your banana to other stuff. There is no harm in trying it. I think even the most hardcore monogamous can agree that it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite when you’re eating at home.

It’s safe sex. The largest pornography viewers are 12-17 year old boys. Please, contain your shock. You cannot get anyone pregnant or catch an STI by jerking off. Period. Not possible. I would rather young teens masturbate than have sex as far as safety is concerned. Let’s be honest though, they do both. But every load dumped in a gym sock is one less to worry about… I’ll take what I can get.

Pornography doesn’t lead to sex crimes. Don’t believe me? No fewer than four thousand studies back me up. In fact, no link has ever been made between the two. People with “dark” fantasies might even benefit from watching pornography. An adult film is shot with two (or three, or more!) consenting adults. They can role play whatever they want but that’s what it is, role play. Watching a fantasy unfold might be enough to curb some people’s desires though. In fact, sex crimes are actually lower in countries that have easy access to porn.

Don’t fall for the hype. Pleasure is good for you, there is no shame in test firing the old meat pistol – everybody does it (Jackie Chan was in a porn flick in 1975, just saying). We need to stop stigmatizing normal sexuality. We need to stop shaming people for healthy desires. It’s getting out of hand (pun intended).

So ladies and gentlemen, jerk off today – think of me!

The Origins of St Valentine’s Day

Hot pagan sex and lustful gods and ancient wolf goddesses and

potential marriage and more sex and more than a little crazed giddy divine

animal blood sacrifice.

All followed by some nice light whippings administered by nearly naked

grinning boy-men, casual flagellations by goat-skin, some joyful

thrashing in the name of fertility and purity and, you know, sex. Ahh,

Valentine’s Day.

The original, that is. Before it was called Valentine’s Day, back when

it was called Lupercalia, a big Roman festival in honor of the

fertility god Lupercus, before the ever- scowlin’ church got a hold of this

ancient and rather odd and blood-pumped Roman lust- fest, co-opted it and

de-sexed it stripped it of its more salacious and admittedly libertine

joys, as the church is so tragically wont to do.

Because as everyone knows, the church is nothing if not all about rigid

joyless dogma and romantic abstinence and mountains of little chalky

candy hearts. Mmm, sanctimoniousness.

Tried to convert it into a mildly consecrated (read: bland, not naked)

day, the church did, “Christianize” that naughty pagan fest, and

failing that because no way are you gonna trump ancient sex and lust with

uptight chastity and faux-purity, they tossed in Saint Valentine to the

mix, invented some nice legend, tried to turn this most funky of pagan

holidays into an homage to saccharine romantic love and cherry nougat

chocolates and Hallmark schmalz.

Did they succeed?

Sort of.

Basically, it went something like this: In ancient Rome, on the 15th of

February, in an altar called the Luperci sacred to the god Lupercus, in

a cave in which the she-wolf goddess nursed founding twins Romulus and

Remus, Luperci priests gathered and sacrificed goats and young dogs,

the former for strength, the latter for purification and in honor of

their strong sexual instinct and because it was a fertility deity and this

is just what you did if you were a happy pagan citizen a couple

thousand years ago.

Some hunky boys of noble birth were then led to the shrine, where the

priests would dab their foreheads with a sword dipped in the animal

blood, after which our baffled youths were apparently obliged to break out

into a shout of purifying laughter because that’s what the rite called

for and no one is quite sure why and, well, wouldn’t you?

Then, a feast. Meat. Wine galore. Followed by the slicing of goat skins

into pieces, some of which the priests cut into strips and dipped in

the blood and then handed to the boys, who would take off and run through

the streets, gently touching or lashing crops and bystanders —

especially women — with the skins along the way to inspire fertility and

harvest and because hey, half-naked laughing boys wielding bloody goat

skins — what’s not to love?

Actually, the women eagerly stepped forward to be so stroked, believing

that such a blessing rendered them fertile (even if they were sterile),

and procured them ease in childbearing, and made them look all gothy

and cool and sexy.

“This act of running about with thongs of goat-skin was a symbolic

purification of land and men,” says one rather dry, scholarly website on

the topic. “For the words by which this act is designated are februare

and lustrare, and the goat-skin itself was called februum, the month in

which it occurred Februarius, and the god himself Februus.” So, you

know, there you go. February. Purity and lust and sex and gods. Really,

what else do you need?

Then came the sex lottery. Oh yes. Say it like you mean it. Pretty much

only have to say the words, “sex lottery,” and already you’re like,

damn, count me in, sure beats dinner and a movie.

And all the young lasses in the city would place their names in a large

urn, and the city’s eligible bachelors would choose a name out of the

urn and become paired for the year with his chosen woman, often

resulting in marriage. You know, sort of like the Mormons. Only with actual

sex. And booze. And without the creepy undergarments.

But if there’s one thing the sexless butt-clenched church really hates,

it’s sex lotteries. And free thinking. And good porn. Condoms.

Margarita enemas. Literature. But especially sex lotteries. Go figure.

So along comes Pope Gelasius around 486 A.D. and declares, let’s say,

oh, February 14 to be dedicated to a saint, and we’ll call him Saint

Valentine, who might or might not be an actual martyr whose true history

is murky at best, given how church records show at least four martyrs

with the name Valentinus, whoops, oh well.

And of course, they outlawed the yummy sex lotto, the church did,

changed the names in the urn from lusty single women to the names of pious

saints to be emulated, whee what fun, and jammed their new holiday right

up against the February 15 date of Lupercalia.

Which also had the added bonus of stomping all over the normal February

14 day of honoring Juno (Roman Goddess-queen of women and marriage),

and focused it all on the makeshift Valentine, and voila, here we are:

Hallmark cards and candy hearts and poisoned Ecuadorian rose workers. In

a nutshell.

But of course, the modern V-Day isn’t all bad. And this is not to say

we should necessarily return to the old ways, a little bloodletting and

lashing and animal sacrifice and random sex lotteries. Except for maybe

the Mormons.

Because everyone knowns that right under the cheap veneer of

Valentine’s Day mega-marketing and hollow churchly romance is yet another

delicious excuse to have more sex and indulge in fleshly pleasures and lick

chocolate syrup off your lover’s tailbone.


In other words, the church both succeeded in their hostile takeover,

and failed miserably. Sure Valentine’s Day is all romance and sentiment

and Malaysian-made stuffed teddy bears on the outside, but it’s all raw

oysters and sly spankings and salacious romps and whipped-creamed

nipples and soft divine bedroom cooing, inside.

Which is exactly as it should be. Which is exactly how we still,

without even realizing it, manage to recall our delicious Lupercalia, take a

big lick of ye olde pagan ways, regardless of everpresent churchly

frowning and ‘Be Mine’ twittering and chubby Cupid chinz. Deep earthly sex

and hoary gods and fertile lust and voluminous feasts of meat and


You’re soaking in it.

Because it’s always good to know where your manufactured holidays

really come from.

Always healthy to pay homage to the true origins, realize how much

calculated deceit has happened along the way.

Just like Christmas and Easter and Halloween and any major holiday

worth mentioning that the church gutted and renamed and from whose moist

tremulous soul they tried to suck the pithy throbbing joy, ya gotta

give props to the old gods, throw a karmic kiss to Lupercus and Juno and

the she-wolf. Word.

So. Buy those giant red balloons. Nab that $29 heart-shaped diamonelle necklace.

But don’t forget to acknowledge that deep-down, gnawing, sly urge you’re doubtlessly harboring to rush out into the streets and wait for the laughing naked boys and get yourself gently lashed with bloody goat skins and then go have sex.

Just like the pagan lust-monkey you so wish to be.

You go, Lupercus.

Are you cheating?

Cheating… it’s a fairly common occurrence in today’s monogamous society, but what exactly is it? Just like the term “relationship” itself, cheating is defined by the people involved, or that’s how it should be. All too often, we let society’s rules dictate what is right and wrong in our personal lives. There are times when that can be a good thing (murdering people = bad… I can buy in to society’s views on that one) but more often than not it just causes stress and guilt. On the surface, it seems that most people agree that going outside of a relationship for sexual gratification is a no go. I guess this is just one more example on why I am not like most people.

When you enter a monogamous relationship, you agree to refrain from having any sort of sexual contact with another person. If that works for you then great (I tend to believe that you are lying but I’ll accept it). The fact is that it simply does not work for most of us. I have my own definition of cheating that is much more acceptable outside of ‘mainstream’ society (Dan Savage, author of “Savage Love” is a huge advocate as well).

Cheating is defined as ” to deprive of something valuable by use of deceit or fraud” by good old Google. I agree. Notice how is does not say “shoving your cock in someone else”, it’s a little deeper than that.

When you deprive someone of something it implies that they wanted it in the first place. If your partner isn’t interested in sex and hadn’t been in a long time, you can’t really call it deprivation can you? You cannot take something from someone who doesn’t want it. It is a shame when people allow themselves to buy in to the idea that sex and kink are optional. They’re really not. Unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink – you cannot force a person to get in to sex. You can only show them the way and support their exploration, hopefully that is enough.

The next part of the definition calls in to question what is “valuable”.¬† I LOVE sex but, as I say in my first blog post, it isn’t overly valuable to me. Sex is great! I suggest doing it well and often but, emotions are much more important to me. When I am in a relationship I look to my partner as a sounding board for my thoughts, dreams and ideas. We have mind blowing, light fixture rattling sex but that isn’t the part that makes it a strong relationship (important, yes, but not the most important). Because of this, my relationships tend to be more open in the sex department. I would be much more hurt if i found out my partner was hiding their feelings from me, if they didn’t feel safe sharing their needs and wants.

Finally, the definition wraps up with mentioning deceit and fraud. If you you feel the need to hide your activities from your partner, whatever they are, you might be cheating. On the other side though, you need to enter a relationship with your cards on the table. If you know you just aren’t that in to sex you need to be honest about that, anything else is fraud and it is not fair to your partner. This stuff can be hard. We’re taught that sexually monogamous relationships are the only acceptable answer. So, we settle for one person. I am not saying you can’t be happy with one person. On the contrary, I don’t think I could handle more than one person emotionally. However, the idea of one cock for 60+ years makes me want to shoot myself. Maybe that’s a flaw but I’m okay with it and I make sure the people I am with are too (…now. I was a serial cheater for a long time).

I wish that this idea was more accepted. We should be choosing our mates by their personalities, confident in the knowledge that our sexual needs will be met, one way or another. If you have cheated I assure you that you are not alone.

Here are some stats on infidelity:
* 41% – marriages where one or both partners admit to infidelity
* 31% of marriages survive infidelity
* 74% of men and 68% of women say that they would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught
Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

Cheating is common. With numbers like this I have a hard time believing that it is only caused by unhappy people. I think it’s time we look at the numbers and reevaluate our ideas on relationships and monogamy – wouldn’t you?