That funny little feeling called…

New relationship energy (or NRE for those of us too lazy to type more than absolutely necessary) is, in my opinion, the most common occurrence in the entire world that most people don’t realize has a name. It’s that feeling you get when you start a new physical or emotional relationship. It’s the thing responsible for the butterflies in your stomach, the fuzzy feeling in your head and your heart skipping a beat. It is fleeting though, only lasting a few months, maybe a year if you’re lucky.

So, besides the obvious euphoria, what good does NRE serve? Well, lots actually which I find wonderfully surprising. It helps us to look past minor flaws which in turn allows us to get to know our partners on a deeper level. NRE can be the push we need to finally get with someone, it enhances sexual activities  – another classic example of our bodies rewarding us for doing the “right” thing (strictly genetically speaking of course) and with all this hormone induced happiness what could possibly go wrong? Nothing! That is why we are all in relationships that are just as happy and mutually satisfying as the day we first laid hands on our very first crush. I don’t need to tell you what happens next. We all know what happens when the newness wears off. The “end of the honey moon”, as I have often heard it called is always a good time right? Logic starts coming back, those small annoying habits suddenly don’t seem so small, you don’t stay up all night every night just to talk and the sex isn’t quite what it used to be. If you are lucky those things don’t disappear for good and you can still enjoy them when the mood strikes (which it will). If you are one of the very privileged few, something else sets in, something deeper and longer lasting than NRE; I don’t know if that replacement feeling even has a name. I am inclined to say comfort but for some reason that has a negative connotation for me. There is safety there, real love, a feeling of a lasting and long term unshakeable bond. Just because your relationship isn’t burning as brightly as a bonfire in July doesn’t mean it’s out, there is something to be said about the heat of red coals.

To be fair, I am a bit of an NRE addict. Okay, I live for it. It has been a very large factor in a lot of my decisions over the years…which is not always a good thing. It actually seldom is. There is nothing wrong with NRE – as long as you recognize it for what it is. Enjoy it while it lasts. Take advantage of the increase in energy, the seemingly endless sexual desire and the awesome excuse for you poor decision making capabilities. Do not make life changing decisions about your relationships while under the influence of NRE. This is not the time to propose, it is not the time to leave your wife for your sexy masseuse and it isn’t the time to be reevaluating your “old” relationship. For, if we are lucky our NRE will someday itself turn old – nothing lasts forever, so never throw out something good for a shot in the dark.

…or do. What do I know?

Oh! You can always have your cake and eat it too by becoming polyamorous but then you would have to presumably allow your partner some NRE of his or her own. That’s a lot of cake.

mmmmm cake



Sexual Deviancy 101

I’m really starting to love this title that has been thrust upon me – sexual deviant. It fits pretty well and, like most of my favorite things, it feels really good on my tongue. The funny thing is that, in the world of kink and fetish and all things dirty, I don’t rank much higher than vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, I like some kinky stuff – I’m just not all that extreme. I’m not really sure where my general audience ranks on the kink scale (although at least one of you have found me by searching the term “real life pain slut” hee hee). I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it might be time to define a few common fetishes in broad terms. Perhaps you have heard of them, perhaps not.

Dominant: (Dom, Domme, Top, Master, Sir etc) the person that calls the shots, ties the knots, cracks the whips, gives the orders or any combination of such

Submissive: (sub, slave, bottom, boy, girl etc) the person on the receiving end of the whips, chains and orders

D/s: Dominant/submissive

Brat: This one gets a special nod because that’s where you usually find me. It is a person who generally identifies as submissive but gets a lot of pleasure from pushing boundaries and annoying their Dom(me). Why? Because it’s fun of course!

Daddy/little: Type of D/s relationship. This is role play only. The little identifies as being childlike and enjoys playing out that fantasy.

24/7: Somebody who lives the lifestyle full time. This is not very common for reasons I touch on here.

Role play: It’s like improv – with sex! There are billions of scenarios so here are a few examples: secretary/boss, student/teacher, mechanic/customer who can’t pay the bill, Master builder/lego etc etc etc Can you think of a good one? I want to hear it!

Humiliation: Yes, people love to be humiliated and objectified and it is common – you are not alone


I loved this shoot. It might have led to some fun afterwards - lady never tells

I loved this shoot. It might have led to some fun afterwards – lady never tells


Exhibitionist: That’s me! We love to show off and be shown off. We love to be admired. Jack off to me sweetheart, it makes me wet.

Voyeurism:  Those who love to watch

Breath play: aka chocking. BE CAREFUL! Not to be done alone or with someone who don’t trust with your life because that is exactly what you are doing. Funny story, I was sneaking around with a very sexy though somewhat reluctant Dom years ago. He was a sweet guy but he was nervous to push too hard too fast (which is a good thing but can be frustrating as all hell). We did some breath play but I always tapped out early and he was safe and it was all good. We were being safe. Nothing could go wrong right? Right! End of story. No, of course it isn’t. One day I was over at his place all undercover and he came up behind me and went to chock like he had many times before. This time though he hit the veins that bring blood to your brain. Insert funky chicken dancing and a short period of unconsciousness. I look back and laugh a little now but I might have scarred that poor man for life.

Consensual non consent: Rape play. This is so so so so so common. People don’t like talking about it because nobody wants to get labeled as the girl who likes to be raped or the rapist (and to be clear they aren’t – it is consensual). Rape is bad…unless she asks for it. Literally. Yes, there are extreme cases where asking ruins the fantasy forever and even the first time has to go without negotiation and I am truly sorry if you fall in to that category but communication is key here. Safe words are a must!

Safe words: “No” is not a safe word. Crying is not a safe word. “Stop”, not a safe word. Safe words are used to end an activity immediately. If things are getting out of hand for any reason the word (or hand gesture if it is needed)  is used. That’s the end. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. DONE. Give everyone a few minutes and then discuss what went wrong. You might be able to fix it, you might not. That doesn’t matter. You stop. This is the number one rule of D/s.

This list does not even begin to scratch the surface. Heck, that’s not even all the fetishes I can think of in a minute. I can assume that if it has ever made you wet or hard it has a name. You are not alone, there is probably even a whole website for it. We are all so different that even when we share the exact same fetishes with someone the execution is probably completely different.

There is a match for everyone though. There is very little out there that is so insane you cannot get someone to agree to try it. That’s why it’s important to humor our partners. Give their kink a try with an open mind and they’ll do the same. Everyone has a kink, if you don’t agree you just haven’t found yours yet. If people with fart fetishes can “face the music” so to speak, so can you.


What are some fetishes you have or would like to discuss? I’ll go in to depth about a few in the coming months. Keep an eye out



Unforeseen time off

I had a lot come up this week and, unfortunately, haven’t had two minutes to write anything worth reading.
I should be back to normal next week. For now I’m just going to take it easy and enjoy my pain medication lol


49+ women die, nobody cares

I grew up hearing the occasional factoid about Robert Pickton: multimillionaire, pig farmer and serial killer. The trial was in full swing when I was too young to really take notice and, although the story entered Canadian pop culture, I was vague on the details. A few weeks ago an announcement came that his victims’ families would be getting compensation. I’ll admit that I was confused. Yes, the story I knew was sad but why was the government or various police agencies to blame? So naturally I looked in to it… “unimpressed” doesn’t even begin to cover it, “fucking disgusted” still doesn’t come close but I don’t think the English language has words strong enough so I will leave it at that.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m going on about here is a brief synopsis. At least 60 women went missing from the early 1980s to 2002 from Vancouver’s downtown east side. They were some of society’s most vulnerable. Aboriginals. Drug addicts. Street level sex workers. Undesirables. Pickton picked them up and brought them to his farm where they were raped, killed and disposed of. This was the stuff of horror movies. Police found a dildo with both Pickton and his victim’s DNA on it that had been used as a makeshift silencer. Bodies had been left to decompose, been eaten by insects, fed to pigs and even been ground up with the pork and sold to the public. This went on for two decades. Police had to involve forensic anthropologists to sift through the soil for DNA with heavy machinery.

The farm

Can you imagine what these women’s families went through when the horrific details of the crimes were being released? It makes my stomach knot when I think about it. Like I said, it is a sad story, but why is the government (and by extension, the tax payers) paying restitution? That’s where this story gets unbelievable. Pickton had been charged with stabbing a prostitute in 1997. Although the woman survived, and they were treated at the same hospital where staff found a key to the handcuffs around the victims wrist in Pickton’s pocket, the charge of attempted murder was stayed. Why? The woman was an addict and thus not a reliable witness. The clothing Pickton was wearing was seized but DNA analysis was not done for over 7 years.

In 1999, police revived information that Pickton had a freezer full of human remains. They interviewed him at which time he gave them consent to search the grounds, they chose not to do so. The only reason that this despicable excuse for a human being was finally stopped was that, in 2002, police executed a search warrant for illegal firearms. When police found an asthma inhaler belonging to one of the victims they started a massive search effort.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Stab a prostitute? That’s okay

Freezer full of human flesh? no need to look around

Might have an unregistered gun? CALL IN THE FORCES!!!

I understand that these women were not shiny upstanding citizens. They represent a segment of the population many want to pretend does not exist. How many of us walk by women just like this on the way to work or while we are shopping downtown? Even as a young teen spending most of my free time in Ottawa’s urban center I didn’t think too much of a familiar face no longer being there. People move on, stuff happens, it’s normal right? These people were lucky. They had families who worried. They had friends who noticed that they were no longer there. They might not have been perfect but they were people. They left behind parents and children, best friends and lovers. They deserved more.

We failed them and we failed their families. Pickton confessed to killing 49 women to an undercover police officer while in custody. He said he wished he could have killed one more to “make it an even number”. He was originally charged with killing 32 women, 23 of those murders occurred after his attempted murder charge.

Robert Pickton and the victims

The reality is that one of “those people” go missing all of the stereotypes come out in full force. “she deserved it”, “what do you expect from an addict?”, “it wouldn’t have happened if she was being safe”, “you can’t rape a hooker”, “one less on the street” – I could go on all day. We as a society need to take a look at ourselves. There are reasons why these women ended up in compromised situations. Cycles of abuse and of poverty start somewhere. Before we start throwing blame around we should take a second to remember that we let our most vulnerable down. Once by creating a society where these women felt the need to put themselves in danger and again by letting this monster continue to kill after we let him go.

As Canadian debate what prostitution will look like in the future, it is essential to review this case and others like it. You may argue that we can’t save women who choose to engage in “unsafe work”. I argue that we shouldn’t try. They don’t necessarily want or need saving. What they do need is support. They need law enforcement who cares about them like any other person running a business. They need to able to report “bad dates” and charge aggressors. Those who work at street level need safer places to do so. I’m a firm believer in zoning areas for sex work (red light districts) so that police can do their jobs while women who choose to work on the street can do so. I believe in throwing resources at these women so they can work safely and those who have addictions, mental health issues or who just want out have a chance. We cannot afford to keep brushing these people under the rug. We cannot allow more people to die needlessly. We need to stand up for the people who need us and show them that no matter what,

we care.