Watch more porn!


You watch porn. I know you do. I don’t know if you are male or female, black or white, young or old but I know you watch porn. How? Because everyone watches porn occasionally, contrary to what that crazy conservative bunch want you to believe. In 2013, Pornhub alone was getting 1.68 million hits – an hour.

So, good news, you are not alone. I did a quick Google search to find some interesting statistics on pornography and, surprise surprise, six of the top eight hits were against the whole thing (my favorite was a website called “porn is the new drug”). Sigh. We all know that I am sex positive¬† but I didn’t realize that so many people were so vocally anti-porn. Anti-sex for fun? Sure. But anti porn?! What has polishing the family jewels ever done to them? (Seems to me that they could use a little tension release…)

The answer is nothing. Look, I understand that porn addiction is a legitimate problem. However, it effects very few of the total consumers. If you think you have a problem please, reach out, but it is such a small number that I couldn’t even find real (read unbiased) statistics on it. I’d argue that watching porn is actually a good thing for a few reasons. I’ll touch on a few here.

It keeps sex interesting. Is there a better place to get new ideas or cool moves? Couples can use porn as a jumping off point when the want to introduce a new aspect to their sex life. It can be an easy way to bring up fetishes and desires that you’ve been nervous about mentioning. It’s easier to mention a porn scene and keep things hypothetical sometimes. 50 Shades of Grey anyone?

It helps, that’s right helps, monogamy. I’ve said it a thousand times, people are not generally good at monogamy. We are programed to want variety and that’s great. But what about people who want to give the old fashioned thing the college try? Porn gives people the fantasy, you can cum to so many different types of people, crazy scenarios and hot fantasies. It might just help keep your “real life” relationship monogamous if you are buffing your banana to other stuff. There is no harm in trying it. I think even the most hardcore monogamous can agree that it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite when you’re eating at home.

It’s safe sex. The largest pornography viewers are 12-17 year old boys. Please, contain your shock. You cannot get anyone pregnant or catch an STI by jerking off. Period. Not possible. I would rather young teens masturbate than have sex as far as safety is concerned. Let’s be honest though, they do both. But every load dumped in a gym sock is one less to worry about… I’ll take what I can get.

Pornography doesn’t lead to sex crimes. Don’t believe me? No fewer than four thousand studies back me up. In fact, no link has ever been made between the two. People with “dark” fantasies might even benefit from watching pornography. An adult film is shot with two (or three, or more!) consenting adults. They can role play whatever they want but that’s what it is, role play. Watching a fantasy unfold might be enough to curb some people’s desires though. In fact, sex crimes are actually lower in countries that have easy access to porn.

Don’t fall for the hype. Pleasure is good for you, there is no shame in test firing the old meat pistol – everybody does it (Jackie Chan was in a porn flick in 1975, just saying). We need to stop stigmatizing normal sexuality. We need to stop shaming people for healthy desires. It’s getting out of hand (pun intended).

So ladies and gentlemen, jerk off today – think of me!

Are you cheating?


Cheating… it’s a fairly common occurrence in today’s monogamous society, but what exactly is it? Just like the term “relationship” itself, cheating is defined by the people involved, or that’s how it should be. All too often, we let society’s rules dictate what is right and wrong in our personal lives. There are times when that can be a good thing (murdering people = bad… I can buy in to society’s views on that one) but more often than not it just causes stress and guilt. On the surface, it seems that most people agree that going outside of a relationship for sexual gratification is a no go. I guess this is just one more example on why I am not like most people.

When you enter a monogamous relationship, you agree to refrain from having any sort of sexual contact with another person. If that works for you then great (I tend to believe that you are lying but I’ll accept it). The fact is that it simply does not work for most of us. I have my own definition of cheating that is much more acceptable outside of ‘mainstream’ society (Dan Savage, author of “Savage Love” is a huge advocate as well).

Cheating is defined as ” to deprive of something valuable by use of deceit or fraud” by good old Google. I agree. Notice how is does not say “shoving your cock in someone else”, it’s a little deeper than that.

When you deprive someone of something it implies that they wanted it in the first place. If your partner isn’t interested in sex and hadn’t been in a long time, you can’t really call it deprivation can you? You cannot take something from someone who doesn’t want it. It is a shame when people allow themselves to buy in to the idea that sex and kink are optional. They’re really not. Unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink – you cannot force a person to get in to sex. You can only show them the way and support their exploration, hopefully that is enough.

The next part of the definition calls in to question what is “valuable”.¬† I LOVE sex but, as I say in my first blog post, it isn’t overly valuable to me. Sex is great! I suggest doing it well and often but, emotions are much more important to me. When I am in a relationship I look to my partner as a sounding board for my thoughts, dreams and ideas. We have mind blowing, light fixture rattling sex but that isn’t the part that makes it a strong relationship (important, yes, but not the most important). Because of this, my relationships tend to be more open in the sex department. I would be much more hurt if i found out my partner was hiding their feelings from me, if they didn’t feel safe sharing their needs and wants.

Finally, the definition wraps up with mentioning deceit and fraud. If you you feel the need to hide your activities from your partner, whatever they are, you might be cheating. On the other side though, you need to enter a relationship with your cards on the table. If you know you just aren’t that in to sex you need to be honest about that, anything else is fraud and it is not fair to your partner. This stuff can be hard. We’re taught that sexually monogamous relationships are the only acceptable answer. So, we settle for one person. I am not saying you can’t be happy with one person. On the contrary, I don’t think I could handle more than one person emotionally. However, the idea of one cock for 60+ years makes me want to shoot myself. Maybe that’s a flaw but I’m okay with it and I make sure the people I am with are too (…now. I was a serial cheater for a long time).

I wish that this idea was more accepted. We should be choosing our mates by their personalities, confident in the knowledge that our sexual needs will be met, one way or another. If you have cheated I assure you that you are not alone.

Here are some stats on infidelity:
* 41% – marriages where one or both partners admit to infidelity
* 31% of marriages survive infidelity
* 74% of men and 68% of women say that they would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught
Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

Cheating is common. With numbers like this I have a hard time believing that it is only caused by unhappy people. I think it’s time we look at the numbers and reevaluate our ideas on relationships and monogamy – wouldn’t you?