My relatively conservative town has recently opened a swingers bar. I’m actually kind of thrilled about it, so much so that I went both nights of the opening weekend. I’m sure I’ll be back way more often than I care to admit so I’m going to delay getting in to the juicy details. Instead I’m going to bore you with some frequently asked questions in the hopes that I’ll see you there soon.

1. Can anyone go?
Pretty much. Couples and single women are welcome every night at most bars whereas single men tend to only be allowed in on certain nights.

2. How does payment work?
In order for swingers bars to operate legally in Canada they must be members only. Membership at the new bar I’m attending is only 20$ a year (for singles or for a couples) but I have seen upwards of 80$ so be sure to ask. There is also a 30$ night fee.

3. How do you become a member?
Bring ID and pay the fee.

4. So people just have sex everywhere?
They can. I usually see sexual activities like kissing in the public space and full sex in the designated area. The club will let you know how it works

5. Do I have to have sex?
No it is pretty safe to assume nobody is going to force you to spread your legs. You might be surprised at how much you want to though.

6. Is it safe?
I would argue that it is safer than a regular bar. People tend to be very polite, they communicate well and they watch out for each other. People are all there for different reasons but everyone is there to have fun and are respectful.

8. If I’m not going for sex why go?
Because it is too much fun! The music is amazing, the crowd is laid back and sexy, there is usually stripper poles. What more do you want?

9. Isn’t it awkward?
It’s as awkward as you make it. I’m really social and I thrive in situations where talking to strangers is encouraged but you can stick to yourself and have a good time too.

10. Is it rude to insist on protection?
It’s rude not to. There are condoms everywhere and you need to use them.

11. How do I have sex with strangers?
Well this one is a bit harder. Communication is usually key here. If you are interested in someone, talk to them, and listen. Take the hint. Don’t bug them, don’t orbit them all night and don’t just walk up and lick them (also a great way to prevent Ebola. Just saying).
You can also just do what I do and point at them from one of the beds with a come hither look. Whatever works for you.

I started going to this type of bar a few years ago but the good ones were 6 hours away so it was few and far between. I love them and I’m so thankful that there is one close by. I understand how nerve wracking it can be to put yourself in an unknown, sexually charged situation. We have these ideas in our minds of 1970s key parties with bad music, shag carpet and moustaches (maybe that’s just me) but it isn’t the case.

I found a few couples I’m looking forward to getting to know, without the promise of sex. These are people that are open minded and fun. Yes, there is always going to be a few freaks thrown in to the mix but that’s where the excitement comes in. Why not check it out? You have nothing to lose

…except maybe your panties

The bar

The play space

The pole and I