Trying new and crazy things when you’re single is hard enough. You have to suck it up, admit you want to try new things and go get them. It can be a scary experience but, at least you only have to worry about yourself. When you are within the confines of a relationship you have all those issues, plus your partner, plus their issues. It can be extremely overwhelming to try and balance all the emotions on one side and the fun new sex on the other. I’m by no means an expert at this but I have learned a few things to keep in mind when you are trying to be more adventurous in your sex life with your significant other.
1. Talk about it beforehand
You’re not going to be able to guess every future scenario you and your spouse will face in the next 20 years. That much is obvious. However, you should know what the “hard limits” are, these are the things that are a no go no matter what the circumstance. Hard limits can change but they should never be effected by the mood of an encounter, talk about them, talk about them often, be open.
2. Drunk is a bad time to try something new
I know you think I’m lying, a glass or two of wine loosens everybody up right? Maybe, but it causes more trouble than it’s worth. People who are under the influence are not exactly famous for making sound decisions. You will also have a harder time reading the dynamic of the situation and the mood of your partner if you are intoxicated.
3. Check in
It won’t ruin the mood for you to ask if your partner is okay occasionally, especially if it is your first time experiencing something as a couple. It is better to figure out if there is an issue early (even if it causes you to have to stop doing whatever you’re doing) than it is to have to deal with the anger, hurt feelings or embarrassment the next day. It is nobody else’s job to communicate but yours. If you are bringing in other people, if it was the other person’s idea, if it was yours – it doesn’t matter. You cannot make a person open up but you can communicate your own feelings and encourage them to do the same. The number one thing that keeps a couple together is communication, don’t forget that just because you’re naked.
Couples are often on different points on the sexually adventurous scale. Someone is usually more excited about a particular new activity than the other person, that’s a good thing. You can support each other and push each other at the same time, but be patient. Go slowly and you are more likely to be able to play again – this is one time that it is better to ask permission than beg forgiveness.
5. You are going to fuck up
Nobody is perfect, mistakes will be made almost every time you try anything new. You’ll get swept up in the moment and the rules will be a vague memory that you can’t quite grasp. You’re not off the hook but you are human. Forgive each other for the little mistakes you make – remember how lucky you are that you’re still trying new things. Move on.
6 thoughts on “Sexual exploration within a relationship”
Get the feeling you had a rough new years that did not go as planned. …
Not recently, no. What gives you that impression?
I guess the impression I got from what you wrote was one where that exploration was hard to find or that you tried it and didn’t get what you wanted- recently anyway. Obviously I could be wrong. I know it’s hard to find a good partner that is very open minded, kinky, confident, stable and reliable all at the same time. Many clearly find experimentation and feeling totally comfortable with their sexuality a challenge.
Close – tried playing with a couple and the aftermath was disasterous!
Eek. What was the aftermath?