Life has been too stressful. I try to do little things to blow off the steam but it feels like the pressure is continuing to mount. I have no patience left, no desire to be a responsible grownup, everything is setting me off.
It seems the only time I have to myself is as I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling. I just can’t take it anymore. I was with you last night but, even after a few too many, I pushed aside your advances. I can’t do this to myself again. Yes, it’s selfish and I know how it tears you up inside but I have to protect myself. You called me on it as usual but I don’t think you understand the real problem. You see me as a heartless tease but, the truth is, that little bit of hope you dangle in front of me is enough to send me over the edge. I might do something rash, something I won’t be able to take back and my whole world will come apart. There are too many scenarios that end in disaster.

Like calling a cab and showing up at your door. You look confused but you let me in; By some miracle, you’re home and she isn’t. You open your mouth to speak but I kiss you instead. For once you’re the hesitant one, I’m the aggressor. We stumble through the living room in search of your bed. Your hands, always a bit too rough, tear at my flesh. You bite my lips. Grab my hair and pull. For a guy that feeds me such romantic notions you always send me home with bruises.

Do you think you’re dreaming? Have you built it up too much in your head? I don’t want to disappoint you. We won’t be opening up old wounds tonight. This changes nothing between us, I just need you inside of me. I need to be with someone that idolized me. I’m selfish.

The back of my legs hit your bed frame and you push me on to it. I would expect you to just hike up my skirt and thrust inside of me but you don’t. You take the time to peel off my clothing piece by piece. You run your fingers all over the bare flesh, kissing it as it becomes exposed. You struggle with my bra. You shake with excitement. You adore every single inch of my body before allowing me to undo your pants.

Your cock is so hard it springs out of your zipper with enough force to hurt. I pounce. You’ve been telling me for years that I’m the best blowjob you’ve ever had, is that still true? I use my tongue to make sure every inch is dripping in spit before I shove it down my throat. I work it and gag on it until that lusciously thick saliva is running down my face on to my tits. You deserve at least that much but, honestly, I’m not here for you.

I lay on my back and let you worship my body again. Your fingers make my skin prickle and your tongue makes me shudder. I want to feel you want me. I grab your dick and slide it inside of me. You say you have to picture me to get off with her, now you’ve got the real thing. Don’t waste it. You thrust hard for a few pumps and make me cum hard. When I open my eyes I can see you giving me that look, the feelings rush to the surface. Unacceptable. I quickly manoeuvre into doggy and beg you to fuck me harder. I need you to finish. I’m losing control of the situation.

Your rough hands grab my waist and force my whole body back and forth, it hurts but I keep coming. I can feel your body tense up and I know you’re close too. Thankful, I buck back harder and harder until I feel that telltale shudder and you explode inside of me. The only thing you say is the one thing I feared you would, the one thing I feared you wouldn’t, “I love you”.

I quickly gather my clothes and leave you on the bed, alone and confused. I’ve done it again, I’ve messed it all up. But, this time, at least you got to cum does that mean you’ll forgive me?