So I did something difficult last week. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, it wasn’t a huge deal but it was tough for me – I posted my blog on Facebook. Not my personal Facebook, I’m not there yet, but on a private group. It was honestly not my intention, I was asking about pornography and mentioned my blog in response to another poster’s curiosity. Either way, I put it out there.
The positive responses were amazing and unexpected. We all suffer from preconceived notions and, I must confess, I am no exception. I figured that the women on the group would be thoroughly unimpressed. I expected insults and disgust and all things bad. Thankfully, I was (mostly) wrong. I really only had one or two people come out against me (at least out loud). The main woman said many things but the main points were that my blog made me a (quote) “sexual deviant”, I was insecure not empowered, classless and desperate for attention.
Don’t believe my bravado, I am not 100% secure and confident. Getting to that point is a long journey that I might never succeed at – and that’s okay. I’m a lot further along than I was 6 months ago. However, I still let things get to me.
I am a person that avoids confrontation. Why? Because I’m mean and over the years I have realized you can’t take things back. So I responded in the calmest way possible, I stuck to the facts and to broad opinions but I was defensive. I felt like the main commenter was attacking me and not the blog (which, given our history, I still believe to be the case). For the record, I don’t think everyone can or should live my lifestyle. Find what makes you happy, don’t live by the rules society tries to force on you unless they ring true in your heart and do whatever you can to feel fulfilled and satisfied. We need to strive to define our own happiness and I promise not to judge yours if you don’t judge mine. Heck, I promise not to judge yours even if you do judge mine.
So, I touched on a few points and then I made cookies. Whoever said you can’t be a slut and a domestic goddess? But, I’m one of those people that stew. I come up with great comebacks after I have walked away. I’m emotional. I could list the flaws all day. So, as I sat eating my cookie it dawned on me.
What the hell is wrong with wanting attention? Instead of defending my choices I am owning this one. She’s right – I love attention. I’m not an exhibitionist to hide in the shadows after all. I don’t shove myself down people’s throats. I market my blog on sex positive sites (you know where you saw me!), I do not pretend it’s anything that it isn’t. How does one pass off a blog with “slut” in the title as anything but a blog about sex.
Facebook is not my target audience which is why I don’t announce anonymous0slut’s existence on it. I was asked. I put up a disclaimer that clearly stated it was a sex positive blog, complete with naked pictures. I warned people and asked that they not judge. I knew that judgment would happen but I figured that if I told people what was on it the could decide if it was for the blog for them and at the very least keep their opinions to themselves. Don’t click the link if you can’t abide by the rules. I would never blame anyone for their beliefs – I can’t read super conservative blogs without raging. To each his own or, as a friend says, different streaks for different freaks.
If you’re here you do not have to agree with everything I say. Just be open to new ideas and try not to judge harshly. I promise to do the same if you express your opinion. Take what you need from me and leave the rest. Open and honest dialogue is going to lead to both sides learning new things as long as they can both agree that there are angles they might not have considered.
All this to say, I am insecure and I am looking for attention. I’m working on the former by doing the latter. So, Pay attention! If you are here for the pictures, let me know you’re enjoying them. It makes me smile that people (both known and unknown) think I’m hot. If you’re here for the posts, let me know. It makes me smile to know that you care about what I have to say. If you’re here for both, good! I’ll stimulate you anyway I can!
I think that a lot of people like to be acknowledged for the way they look. Why else would you go to the gym? Do your hair? Your makeup? There is nothing wrong with that. It is one side of you, not the only side. Don’t let it get to you. We are told to be humble, that being looked passed is fine. If too many people want you or pay attention to you then you must be a slut. WAIT A MINUTE!! I am a slut.
I’m sorry. I should have owned it right from the beginning. I should have never denied it or sugar coated who I am. That’s exactly what this blog is supposed to be about – being myself. I am working on it. For all of you who have sent me positive notes, thank you. For everyone person who slings around “slut” as an insult there are many more who thank me for voicing their feelings, for making them feel normal. This blog is for them, it’s for us, it’s for everyone who ever felt like this vanilla thing wasn’t 100% them. Thank you.