I have some really amazing news – sex makes babies. No really, it’s true! Which means that people with children have had sex at some point…and I’m willing to bet they liked it which means *gasp* parents have sex.

Can you tell me about the night you were conceived? Did your mom put on sexy lingerie? Did your dad insist on oral sex? I honest to god pray that you don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, my mother had boring, vanilla sex in missionary one time in her entire life and, nine months later, I was born. Truth be told, any other possibility makes me a little nauseous and that’s okay. We shouldn’t know every detail about our parents’ sex lives but that doesn’t mean that they (and others like them) don’t have one.

Women get the short end of the stick (no pun intended) in so many ways when it comes to sex. They get put down and shamed for having desires and going after them. Slut shaming is so engrained in our society we fail to even recognize it half the time.

Mother’s barely have time to brush their hair or shower for what feels like forever. Ask the mother of a toddler or preschooler the last time they had the luxury of peeing by themselves, that’s always good for a laugh. Sex is often put on the back burner for way too long because sleep wins out. Every time.

Things do settle down eventually. You settle down in to a new normal. you get back in to the swing of things and sex does come back. There might even be a point where you have not only showered and done your hair but you even get the chance to pull out that box under your bed, dust it off and stare in wonder as you try to remember when the last time you played with a toy was. If you were kinky before it will come back too but then what? Societal pressure will come right behind it, as usual. The mommy wars are being waged all around us, only a fool would believe that sexuality and kink are an exception.

You are a mother now… you can delve in to the world of kink, I guess (although a lot of people would proclaim “I would never!” or “If my husband ever brought that up I would *insert ignorant comment here*”) but you have to keep it private. Don’t take pictures. Don’t brag. Don’t you dare write a blog! After all, what if your kids ever found out? What would they think?!

Let me answer this once and for all. My children will be educated on sexuality. I’m not just talking about the basic mechanics of penis>sperm>egg>baby but the emotional baggage that comes with it. I don’t know how much detail I will put out there because I’m not there yet but I do believe in starting the conversation young and never stopping it. Much in the same way that there will be condoms everywhere, my children will know where to get reliable information when they don’t feel comfortable coming to me. That reliable and fact based information will keep them safe. Yes, they will find pornography but they will know that it isn’t real life. I cannot stress this enough – it is not enough to only teach the basics anymore! Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet your child is going to be exposed to it all – give them the tools to interpret it.

As for what my children will think about this blog – they are going to think the same thing that I do when I try to picture the night I was conceived – gross! But guess what, they probably won’t find this blog. There is a billion porn sites out there that are much more interesting than this, at least this blog tries to be realistic and doesn’t spread shame. Plus, actual porn stars have been having children for decades and they all seem too have survived.

Who knows? Maybe my future children will decide to rebel by becoming completely celibate. A mother can always dream right?