A little disclaimer: I’m not saying that this lifestyle doesn’t work for people. I’m sure it does and, in fact, I have seen it.
I cannot imagine a day where I would be emotionally mature enough to even consider this possibility. I love everything about dating from the NRE to the sex. I am not the monogamous type and the idea of sleeping with one person for the rest of my life is unacceptable for me. Most people would agree that I should be able to enter in to a polyamorous relationship and make it work. Well, most people who don’t know me perhaps.
In reality I am the last person who should be attempting that type of commitment. Why? That’s easy.
1. I know that sex is not love
There is a huge difference between being in to swinging (having sex with others with or without your partner present but with consent) and being polyamorous. I can happily help another person suck you off but the idea of you holding hands with someone is too much for me.
I need to win. In a relationship where my partner was dating more than one person I would constantly be questioning if I was good enough. Who is better in bed? Who does he love more? Who is the better cook? Scrabble player? Who is more interesting? Funny? It’s exhausting.
There is never enough is there? We all know that dating one person is hard enough to devote enough energy in to, now splitting that in two? Too much work. Plus, I’m really bad at scheduling.
I know it happens but I cannot imagine loving two people, equally, at the same time. Best case scenario is that I find a way but then what? I wouldn’t know how to do that long term. Someone would end up getting hurt and, if I truly loved both people, I would want to spare their feelings.
I’ll be as honest as I can be – I’m a pretty awful person. I can see myself getting in to a fight with one person and running to the other person. That cannot be healthy. I would end up breeding jealousy, competition and resentment which aren’t exactly the hallmarks of a good relationship.
I come from a very conservative background. Luckily, your family should never know about your sex life. This is kind of difficult when you are bringing two people to thanksgiving.
I’m not so great at it. Until I am able to actually communicate my needs, my fears and my problems in a healthy way I’m just setting myself up for hell by being in a polyamous relationship.
I don’t know that I will ever be in a relationship that is stable enough or long enough to consider this option. I truly believe that you have to be in a good place with the person you are with before you add others or it just feels fake to me. It’s like you are hiding from the problems or trying to escape them instead of face them.
9. Commitment issues
I got em! Heck, I couldn’t even stick with this list long enough to make it to number 10.
I truly envy those people in healthy poly relationships. It is something that I will never rule out completely as it has interested me for a long time. I just don’t think it is very plausible for me, not now at least.
One thought on “A word on polyamory”
Very well said.