I’m really starting to love this title that has been thrust upon me – sexual deviant. It fits pretty well and, like most of my favorite things, it feels really good on my tongue. The funny thing is that, in the world of kink and fetish and all things dirty, I don’t rank much higher than vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, I like some kinky stuff – I’m just not all that extreme. I’m not really sure where my general audience ranks on the kink scale (although at least one of you have found me by searching the term “real life pain slut” hee hee). I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it might be time to define a few common fetishes in broad terms. Perhaps you have heard of them, perhaps not.
Dominant: (Dom, Domme, Top, Master, Sir etc) the person that calls the shots, ties the knots, cracks the whips, gives the orders or any combination of such
Submissive: (sub, slave, bottom, boy, girl etc) the person on the receiving end of the whips, chains and orders
Brat: This one gets a special nod because that’s where you usually find me. It is a person who generally identifies as submissive but gets a lot of pleasure from pushing boundaries and annoying their Dom(me). Why? Because it’s fun of course!
Daddy/little: Type of D/s relationship. This is role play only. The little identifies as being childlike and enjoys playing out that fantasy.
24/7: Somebody who lives the lifestyle full time. This is not very common for reasons I touch on here.
Role play: It’s like improv – with sex! There are billions of scenarios so here are a few examples: secretary/boss, student/teacher, mechanic/customer who can’t pay the bill, Master builder/lego etc etc etc Can you think of a good one? I want to hear it!
Humiliation: Yes, people love to be humiliated and objectified and it is common – you are not alone
Exhibitionist: That’s me! We love to show off and be shown off. We love to be admired. Jack off to me sweetheart, it makes me wet.
Voyeurism: Those who love to watch
Breath play: aka chocking. BE CAREFUL! Not to be done alone or with someone who don’t trust with your life because that is exactly what you are doing. Funny story, I was sneaking around with a very sexy though somewhat reluctant Dom years ago. He was a sweet guy but he was nervous to push too hard too fast (which is a good thing but can be frustrating as all hell). We did some breath play but I always tapped out early and he was safe and it was all good. We were being safe. Nothing could go wrong right? Right! End of story. No, of course it isn’t. One day I was over at his place all undercover and he came up behind me and went to chock like he had many times before. This time though he hit the veins that bring blood to your brain. Insert funky chicken dancing and a short period of unconsciousness. I look back and laugh a little now but I might have scarred that poor man for life.
Consensual non consent: Rape play. This is so so so so so common. People don’t like talking about it because nobody wants to get labeled as the girl who likes to be raped or the rapist (and to be clear they aren’t – it is consensual). Rape is bad…unless she asks for it. Literally. Yes, there are extreme cases where asking ruins the fantasy forever and even the first time has to go without negotiation and I am truly sorry if you fall in to that category but communication is key here. Safe words are a must!
Safe words: “No” is not a safe word. Crying is not a safe word. “Stop”, not a safe word. Safe words are used to end an activity immediately. If things are getting out of hand for any reason the word (or hand gesture if it is needed) is used. That’s the end. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. DONE. Give everyone a few minutes and then discuss what went wrong. You might be able to fix it, you might not. That doesn’t matter. You stop. This is the number one rule of D/s.
This list does not even begin to scratch the surface. Heck, that’s not even all the fetishes I can think of in a minute. I can assume that if it has ever made you wet or hard it has a name. You are not alone, there is probably even a whole website for it. We are all so different that even when we share the exact same fetishes with someone the execution is probably completely different.
There is a match for everyone though. There is very little out there that is so insane you cannot get someone to agree to try it. That’s why it’s important to humor our partners. Give their kink a try with an open mind and they’ll do the same. Everyone has a kink, if you don’t agree you just haven’t found yours yet. If people with fart fetishes can “face the music” so to speak, so can you.
What are some fetishes you have or would like to discuss? I’ll go in to depth about a few in the coming months. Keep an eye out
8 thoughts on “Sexual Deviancy 101”
Reblogged this on moving on and commented:
very interesting. i need to see where i fit
Hey, so while I could argue your various definitions if I thought it mattered, I think that the most important thing I want to disagree with is: “I don’t rank much higher than vanilla”. While I might agree that 24/7 is a degree different than “weekend bedroom player”, I disagree that there is any other kind of ranking of fetishes… I think that the only person you can compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.
I do want to add that I think consensual non-consent goes beyond simple “rape play”. An (impossible?) fetish of mine is temporary amnesia… imagine not remembering that you aren’t a virgin? A friend of mind jokes: “If you don’t use it, you lose it”, claiming them to be a “born-again virgin”
Thanks for reading. It seems I wasn’t clear on a few points. These were neath as very broad definitions. Every fetish mentioned could be discussed in depth but I didn’t think most people would even read everything I wrote.
Also I don’t rank myself much higher than vanilla in the sense that I have some of the most common fetishes. I’m not really that much of a deviant because of the lack of uncommon fetishes.
Hope that clears it up 😉
Good write! Definitions vary, and everyday they vary more and more with increased knowledge of oneself. Your broad definitions are spot on, however. I totally agree.
A few other CNC…consensual non-consent kinks would be chemical play and kidnapping. Chemical play would be using chloroform or other incapacitating chemical, and having them wake up in some predicament. Kidnapping is, well, kidnapping! Both, as with all CNC, requires planning, failsafes, and a LOT of talk before anything is attempted.
The list of known kinks is so long…probably my favorite aspect of kink. Looking forward to your future posts!!
I think you might have introduced me to an aspect of one of my favorite fetishes that will need further exploration. Thank you!!
What about bondage ? It’s bound to be exciting !
I see what you did there 😉
I think you enjoy the kink a bit more than you mentioned…just guessing.