Sexual Deviancy 101


I’m really starting to love this title that has been thrust upon me – sexual deviant. It fits pretty well and, like most of my favorite things, it feels really good on my tongue. The funny thing is that, in the world of kink and fetish and all things dirty, I don’t rank much higher than vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, I like some kinky stuff – I’m just not all that extreme. I’m not really sure where my general audience ranks on the kink scale (although at least one of you have found me by searching the term “real life pain slut” hee hee). I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it might be time to define a few common fetishes in broad terms. Perhaps you have heard of them, perhaps not.

Dominant: (Dom, Domme, Top, Master, Sir etc) the person that calls the shots, ties the knots, cracks the whips, gives the orders or any combination of such

Submissive: (sub, slave, bottom, boy, girl etc) the person on the receiving end of the whips, chains and orders

D/s: Dominant/submissive

Brat: This one gets a special nod because that’s where you usually find me. It is a person who generally identifies as submissive but gets a lot of pleasure from pushing boundaries and annoying their Dom(me). Why? Because it’s fun of course!

Daddy/little: Type of D/s relationship. This is role play only. The little identifies as being childlike and enjoys playing out that fantasy.

24/7: Somebody who lives the lifestyle full time. This is not very common for reasons I touch on here.

Role play: It’s like improv – with sex! There are billions of scenarios so here are a few examples: secretary/boss, student/teacher, mechanic/customer who can’t pay the bill, Master builder/lego etc etc etc Can you think of a good one? I want to hear it!

Humiliation: Yes, people love to be humiliated and objectified and it is common – you are not alone

 

I loved this shoot. It might have led to some fun afterwards - lady never tells

I loved this shoot. It might have led to some fun afterwards – lady never tells

 

Exhibitionist: That’s me! We love to show off and be shown off. We love to be admired. Jack off to me sweetheart, it makes me wet.

Voyeurism:  Those who love to watch

Breath play: aka chocking. BE CAREFUL! Not to be done alone or with someone who don’t trust with your life because that is exactly what you are doing. Funny story, I was sneaking around with a very sexy though somewhat reluctant Dom years ago. He was a sweet guy but he was nervous to push too hard too fast (which is a good thing but can be frustrating as all hell). We did some breath play but I always tapped out early and he was safe and it was all good. We were being safe. Nothing could go wrong right? Right! End of story. No, of course it isn’t. One day I was over at his place all undercover and he came up behind me and went to chock like he had many times before. This time though he hit the veins that bring blood to your brain. Insert funky chicken dancing and a short period of unconsciousness. I look back and laugh a little now but I might have scarred that poor man for life.

Consensual non consent: Rape play. This is so so so so so common. People don’t like talking about it because nobody wants to get labeled as the girl who likes to be raped or the rapist (and to be clear they aren’t – it is consensual). Rape is bad…unless she asks for it. Literally. Yes, there are extreme cases where asking ruins the fantasy forever and even the first time has to go without negotiation and I am truly sorry if you fall in to that category but communication is key here. Safe words are a must!

Safe words: “No” is not a safe word. Crying is not a safe word. “Stop”, not a safe word. Safe words are used to end an activity immediately. If things are getting out of hand for any reason the word (or hand gesture if it is needed)  is used. That’s the end. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$. DONE. Give everyone a few minutes and then discuss what went wrong. You might be able to fix it, you might not. That doesn’t matter. You stop. This is the number one rule of D/s.

This list does not even begin to scratch the surface. Heck, that’s not even all the fetishes I can think of in a minute. I can assume that if it has ever made you wet or hard it has a name. You are not alone, there is probably even a whole website for it. We are all so different that even when we share the exact same fetishes with someone the execution is probably completely different.

There is a match for everyone though. There is very little out there that is so insane you cannot get someone to agree to try it. That’s why it’s important to humor our partners. Give their kink a try with an open mind and they’ll do the same. Everyone has a kink, if you don’t agree you just haven’t found yours yet. If people with fart fetishes can “face the music” so to speak, so can you.

 

What are some fetishes you have or would like to discuss? I’ll go in to depth about a few in the coming months. Keep an eye out

 

 

Unforeseen time off


I had a lot come up this week and, unfortunately, haven’t had two minutes to write anything worth reading.
I should be back to normal next week. For now I’m just going to take it easy and enjoy my pain medication lol

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49+ women die, nobody cares


I grew up hearing the occasional factoid about Robert Pickton: multimillionaire, pig farmer and serial killer. The trial was in full swing when I was too young to really take notice and, although the story entered Canadian pop culture, I was vague on the details. A few weeks ago an announcement came that his victims’ families would be getting compensation. I’ll admit that I was confused. Yes, the story I knew was sad but why was the government or various police agencies to blame? So naturally I looked in to it… “unimpressed” doesn’t even begin to cover it, “fucking disgusted” still doesn’t come close but I don’t think the English language has words strong enough so I will leave it at that.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m going on about here is a brief synopsis. At least 60 women went missing from the early 1980s to 2002 from Vancouver’s downtown east side. They were some of society’s most vulnerable. Aboriginals. Drug addicts. Street level sex workers. Undesirables. Pickton picked them up and brought them to his farm where they were raped, killed and disposed of. This was the stuff of horror movies. Police found a dildo with both Pickton and his victim’s DNA on it that had been used as a makeshift silencer. Bodies had been left to decompose, been eaten by insects, fed to pigs and even been ground up with the pork and sold to the public. This went on for two decades. Police had to involve forensic anthropologists to sift through the soil for DNA with heavy machinery.

The farm

Can you imagine what these women’s families went through when the horrific details of the crimes were being released? It makes my stomach knot when I think about it. Like I said, it is a sad story, but why is the government (and by extension, the tax payers) paying restitution? That’s where this story gets unbelievable. Pickton had been charged with stabbing a prostitute in 1997. Although the woman survived, and they were treated at the same hospital where staff found a key to the handcuffs around the victims wrist in Pickton’s pocket, the charge of attempted murder was stayed. Why? The woman was an addict and thus not a reliable witness. The clothing Pickton was wearing was seized but DNA analysis was not done for over 7 years.

In 1999, police revived information that Pickton had a freezer full of human remains. They interviewed him at which time he gave them consent to search the grounds, they chose not to do so. The only reason that this despicable excuse for a human being was finally stopped was that, in 2002, police executed a search warrant for illegal firearms. When police found an asthma inhaler belonging to one of the victims they started a massive search effort.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Stab a prostitute? That’s okay

Freezer full of human flesh? no need to look around

Might have an unregistered gun? CALL IN THE FORCES!!!

I understand that these women were not shiny upstanding citizens. They represent a segment of the population many want to pretend does not exist. How many of us walk by women just like this on the way to work or while we are shopping downtown? Even as a young teen spending most of my free time in Ottawa’s urban center I didn’t think too much of a familiar face no longer being there. People move on, stuff happens, it’s normal right? These people were lucky. They had families who worried. They had friends who noticed that they were no longer there. They might not have been perfect but they were people. They left behind parents and children, best friends and lovers. They deserved more.

We failed them and we failed their families. Pickton confessed to killing 49 women to an undercover police officer while in custody. He said he wished he could have killed one more to “make it an even number”. He was originally charged with killing 32 women, 23 of those murders occurred after his attempted murder charge.

Robert Pickton and the victims

The reality is that one of “those people” go missing all of the stereotypes come out in full force. “she deserved it”, “what do you expect from an addict?”, “it wouldn’t have happened if she was being safe”, “you can’t rape a hooker”, “one less on the street” – I could go on all day. We as a society need to take a look at ourselves. There are reasons why these women ended up in compromised situations. Cycles of abuse and of poverty start somewhere. Before we start throwing blame around we should take a second to remember that we let our most vulnerable down. Once by creating a society where these women felt the need to put themselves in danger and again by letting this monster continue to kill after we let him go.

As Canadian debate what prostitution will look like in the future, it is essential to review this case and others like it. You may argue that we can’t save women who choose to engage in “unsafe work”. I argue that we shouldn’t try. They don’t necessarily want or need saving. What they do need is support. They need law enforcement who cares about them like any other person running a business. They need to able to report “bad dates” and charge aggressors. Those who work at street level need safer places to do so. I’m a firm believer in zoning areas for sex work (red light districts) so that police can do their jobs while women who choose to work on the street can do so. I believe in throwing resources at these women so they can work safely and those who have addictions, mental health issues or who just want out have a chance. We cannot afford to keep brushing these people under the rug. We cannot allow more people to die needlessly. We need to stand up for the people who need us and show them that no matter what,

we care.

Be mean… Be nice


Come on by, push me to my knees and show me how you like it. Fuck my face until my throat is raw and I am gagging on your rock hard dick. I want rug burn on my knees and hand prints on my ass. Make me want you so badly I can’t help but to beg, so caught up in my ecstasy that my inhibitions are forgotten.

Or, hold me close. Let me feel your breath warming my ear. I’ll snuggle up so i can feel you harden against my soft skin. Let me explore you with my tongue. Glide in slowly as I get more and more wet. Tell me how much you want me as I get closer and closer to climax. Take me slowly until I lose myself in your embrace.

Confused?

People are multidimensional. We have different desires according to our moods and, as we all know, those can change in a heartbeat. The good news is that, as far as sex goes, there is nothing wrong with that. When I started being open about my sexuality I was bombarded with questions. Through answering them I found that I had built myself a persona. It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the complete truth either. I cannot be labeled, my preferences don’t fit in to neat little check boxes and (say it with me) that’s okay!

I find that this pressure to be your kinks adds yet another level of stress when it comes to sexuality. You need to be honest about what turns you on. You need to be comfortable vocalizing your needs, even when it makes you nervous. Your partner is not a mind reader – he or she cannot please you if they don’t know what that entails. At the same time, you are not your kinks. There are very few people who are always in kink mode because, honestly, it would be exhausting. Even the biggest submissive who loves to be objectified and spanked wants a day where her partner pampers her and tells her all the wonderful qualities she has. We are people first. Our relationships are supposed to be deeper than just sexual gratification.

It can be extremely difficult to “come out” to our partners about what turns our cranks. There is still so much considered taboo in our society and the less common our desires, the harder it feels. I don’t have a lot of advice on the subject. At some point you just need to bite the bullet and hope that you have picked a partner that is open minded and who values you enough to at least try. I still get nervous when I have to tell a prospective partner how perverted I can be. There are things that I will not disclose before a certain level of trust is obtained. The good news is that anytime I have achieved that level of trust and actually told a partner about my kinks they have been quite receptive. Often they are almost too eager to help me get my rocks off. I’ve had guys turn in to super mega doms 24/7 and, as much fun as it sounds, it just isn’t possible. I love to be put in my place and a good spanking goes a long way but daily? It becomes routine, the exact thing I try to avoid. And don’t forget that long-term, serious relationships cannot only be based on sex. At some point those whips and chains need to go away and you need to be able to discuss things as equals or get in to arguments or any number of other normal, vanilla things that shape our daily lives.

If your significant other feels comfortable enough in telling you his or her fantasies I hope you feel thankful. It shows a high level of trust and intimacy – it truly is an honor. Don’t be afraid to be honest in return though. It’s normal if you aren’t 100% comfortable at first, especially if it is a new concept. Like any other part of a relationship, sometimes it is best to start slowly… the important thing is just to start – with an open mind.

So go out there and explore! Break out the whips and chains, the pompoms and plaid skirts, the whip cream and strawberries. You might discover you have kinks you didn’t even know existed!

Speaking of which – I would love to know if there is any fetishes you find are not really discussed that you would like me to tackle? Or perhaps you would benefit from a list of fetishes and what they are? Let me know and I will see what I can do!

As always, tell me yours and I might just tell you mine

Women’s day


It’s women’s day! Or it was when I wrote this… To celebrate I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss a fun little fetish, one that might not seem to jive with such a feminist holiday. Let me remind you though that feminism is about giving women a choice in how we live our lives. It is not about forcing ideas on anyone else or forcing us in to roles that we do not want to take. Regardless of anyone’s good intentions, feminism is about taking control of our lives and living them how we want to.

I have a 1950s housewife fetish. Gasp! I know, I know. Here I am preaching about the importance of being an empowered, independent woman in the modern age and the idea of that era makes my panties wet. I love taking care of men. I love being able to fall in to that predetermined gender role. Don’t try to push it on me, never forget that I am your equal but can we play a bit? Please?

When you come home from work wouldn’t it be nice to find a clean house and a hot meal on the table? I’ll be waiting for you in a sexy outfit and high heels with a cold beer and a warm smile. You can tell me about your day while I hang on your every word. I’ll give you bonus points if you let me kneel at your feet with my head in your lap while you do it.

When we retire for the night you take the lead, undress me and throw me on to the bed. We can skip the foreplay tonight sweetheart, just take me. Your hardness eases me open as you use me for your pleasure. Push it in, deep and hard, faster and faster as you use like a doll. You know how I like it, don’t hold back, don’t you dare stop. Make me scream. Pound the headboard in to the wall. Who cares about the neighbors? Let them complain, I love their jealousy. Thrust in and out until we collapse, spent, exhausted by ecstasy. I’ll make a snack while you turn on the TV and catch up on the news.

I just want to be used, I want to make you cum over and over again. I’ll manage the house if you take out the trash. Keep me happy. Be the man and I’ll treat you like a king. Is that so wrong? It feels pretty right to me.

I’m so happy that women can do anything that men can. We can work, we can vote, we can go to war. But, to me, nothing feels as safe a being wrapped in your arms after a good fuck. You pamper me, won’t you let me please you?

Work hard play hard


I don’t know when it happened but, somewhere along the way, I turned in to one of ” those people”.
You know the ones. They work out all the time and they feel the burning desire to tell you all about it — usually when you’re eating a cupcake.
I’m sorry! I try not to talk about it all the time but, with the exception of stuff that’s even more boring (and sex) I don’t do too much.

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Sex makes babies


I have some really amazing news – sex makes babies. No really, it’s true! Which means that people with children have had sex at some point…and I’m willing to bet they liked it which means *gasp* parents have sex.

Can you tell me about the night you were conceived? Did your mom put on sexy lingerie? Did your dad insist on oral sex? I honest to god pray that you don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, my mother had boring, vanilla sex in missionary one time in her entire life and, nine months later, I was born. Truth be told, any other possibility makes me a little nauseous and that’s okay. We shouldn’t know every detail about our parents’ sex lives but that doesn’t mean that they (and others like them) don’t have one.

Women get the short end of the stick (no pun intended) in so many ways when it comes to sex. They get put down and shamed for having desires and going after them. Slut shaming is so engrained in our society we fail to even recognize it half the time.

Mother’s barely have time to brush their hair or shower for what feels like forever. Ask the mother of a toddler or preschooler the last time they had the luxury of peeing by themselves, that’s always good for a laugh. Sex is often put on the back burner for way too long because sleep wins out. Every time.

Things do settle down eventually. You settle down in to a new normal. you get back in to the swing of things and sex does come back. There might even be a point where you have not only showered and done your hair but you even get the chance to pull out that box under your bed, dust it off and stare in wonder as you try to remember when the last time you played with a toy was. If you were kinky before it will come back too but then what? Societal pressure will come right behind it, as usual. The mommy wars are being waged all around us, only a fool would believe that sexuality and kink are an exception.

You are a mother now… you can delve in to the world of kink, I guess (although a lot of people would proclaim “I would never!” or “If my husband ever brought that up I would *insert ignorant comment here*”) but you have to keep it private. Don’t take pictures. Don’t brag. Don’t you dare write a blog! After all, what if your kids ever found out? What would they think?!

Let me answer this once and for all. My children will be educated on sexuality. I’m not just talking about the basic mechanics of penis>sperm>egg>baby but the emotional baggage that comes with it. I don’t know how much detail I will put out there because I’m not there yet but I do believe in starting the conversation young and never stopping it. Much in the same way that there will be condoms everywhere, my children will know where to get reliable information when they don’t feel comfortable coming to me. That reliable and fact based information will keep them safe. Yes, they will find pornography but they will know that it isn’t real life. I cannot stress this enough – it is not enough to only teach the basics anymore! Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet your child is going to be exposed to it all – give them the tools to interpret it.

As for what my children will think about this blog – they are going to think the same thing that I do when I try to picture the night I was conceived – gross! But guess what, they probably won’t find this blog. There is a billion porn sites out there that are much more interesting than this, at least this blog tries to be realistic and doesn’t spread shame. Plus, actual porn stars have been having children for decades and they all seem too have survived.

Who knows? Maybe my future children will decide to rebel by becoming completely celibate. A mother can always dream right?

The backlash


So I did something difficult last week. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, it wasn’t a huge deal but it was tough for me – I posted my blog on Facebook. Not my personal Facebook, I’m not there yet, but on a private group. It was honestly not my intention, I was asking about pornography and mentioned my blog in response to another poster’s curiosity. Either way, I put it out there.

The positive responses were amazing and unexpected. We all suffer from preconceived notions and, I must confess, I am no exception. I figured that the women on the group would be thoroughly unimpressed. I expected insults and disgust and all things bad. Thankfully, I was (mostly) wrong. I really only had one or two people come out against me (at least out loud). The main woman said many things but the main points were that my blog made me a (quote) “sexual deviant”, I was insecure not empowered, classless and desperate for attention.

Don’t believe my bravado, I am not 100% secure and confident. Getting to that point is a long journey that I might never succeed at – and that’s okay. I’m a lot further along than I was 6 months ago. However, I still let things get to me.

I am a person that avoids confrontation. Why? Because I’m mean and over the years I have realized you can’t take things back. So I responded in the calmest way possible, I stuck to the facts and to broad opinions but I was defensive. I felt like the main commenter was attacking me and not the blog (which, given our history, I still believe to be the case). For the record, I don’t think everyone can or should live my lifestyle. Find what makes you happy, don’t live by the rules society tries to force on you unless they ring true in your heart and do whatever you can to feel fulfilled and satisfied. We need to strive to define our own happiness and I promise not to judge yours if you don’t judge mine. Heck, I promise not to judge yours even if you do judge mine.

So, I touched on a few points and then I made cookies. Whoever said you can’t be a slut and a domestic goddess? But, I’m one of those people that stew. I come up with great comebacks after I have walked away. I’m emotional. I could list the flaws all day. So, as I sat eating my cookie it dawned on me.

hoe

What the hell is wrong with wanting attention? Instead of defending my choices I am owning this one. She’s right – I love attention. I’m not an exhibitionist to hide in the shadows after all. I don’t shove myself down people’s throats. I market my blog on sex positive sites (you know where you saw me!), I do not pretend it’s anything that it isn’t. How does one pass off a blog with “slut” in the title as anything but a blog about sex.

Facebook is not my target audience which is why I don’t announce anonymous0slut’s existence on it. I was asked. I put up a disclaimer that clearly stated it was a sex positive blog, complete with naked pictures. I warned people and asked that they not judge. I knew that judgment would happen but I figured that if I told people what was on it the could decide if it was for the blog for them and at the very least keep their opinions to themselves. Don’t click the link if you can’t abide by the rules. I would never blame anyone for their beliefs – I can’t read super conservative blogs without raging. To each his own or, as a friend says, different streaks for different freaks.

If you’re here you do not have to agree with everything I say. Just be open to new ideas and try not to judge harshly. I promise to do the same if you express your opinion. Take what you need from me and leave the rest. Open and honest dialogue is going to lead to both sides learning new things as long as they can both agree that there are angles they might not have considered.

All this to say, I am insecure and I am looking for attention. I’m working on the former by doing the latter. So, Pay attention! If you are here for the pictures, let me know you’re enjoying them. It makes me smile that people (both known and unknown) think I’m hot. If you’re here for the posts, let me know. It makes me smile to know that you care about what I have to say. If you’re here for both, good! I’ll stimulate you anyway I can!

I think that a lot of people like to be acknowledged for the way they look. Why else would you go to the gym? Do your hair? Your makeup? There is nothing wrong with that. It is one side of you, not the only side. Don’t let it get to you. We are told to be humble, that being looked passed is fine. If too many people want you or pay attention to you then you must be a slut. WAIT A MINUTE!! I am a slut.

SlutDefinition

I’m sorry. I should have owned it right from the beginning. I should have never denied it or sugar coated who I am. That’s exactly what this blog is supposed to be about – being myself. I am working on it. For all of you who have sent me positive notes, thank you. For everyone person who slings around “slut” as an insult there are many more who thank me for voicing their feelings, for making them feel normal. This blog is for them, it’s for us, it’s for everyone who ever felt like this vanilla thing wasn’t 100% them. Thank you.